Time Flies Backwards (renewed)
by Necesisstas
Summary: Harry Potter is a confused young man stuck in a place he shouldn't be. In a time he wasn't born yet. But this is Harry Potter and who is surprised, really? Set after DH. T because of language.
1. Prologue

The Grimmauld Place was hollow.

Not tonight especially but as a general mood of the house which Walburga Black was quite satisfied with. She always prided herself in the discipline she provided for her sons. For the family's close circle this demeanor was highly and secretly entertaining. Mrs. Black's elder son was the farthest from being disciplined. Despite his mother's best efforts to cover this, there was no wizard who did not know. The Gryffindor of the Blacks. The odd one out.

So on another warm summer night, the Grimmauld Place was hollow. And loud. The younger boy listened quietly. It was the screaming match of the century. The two most stubborn people he knew were at it once more.

"He wants you in his ranks! Despite your house and your words he does! What a privilage, don't you understand?"

Regulus positioned himself on the stairs to see better. If mother noticed, he would surely be sent back to his room. He saw a vase fly across the large room and smash against the wall. Typical Sirius.

"Act your age Sirius! I am tired of explaining to you how important this is. You will finally honor your family! I don't know what you're trying to accomplish by all this smashing however-"

"I'm trying to fucking calm down!"

"Language!"

"FUCK YOU! Fuck you and your family and most of all, FUCK YOUR HONOR!"

Regulus couldn't see his brother. But he could see his mother from the side and he'd never seen her freeze like that. There was something dangerous in the way she stood. He wanted to warn Sirius but he wasn't fast enough. Walburga Black pulled out her wand swiftly and quickly.

"Crucio"

Forgetting all caution, he threw himself up from his place on the stairs and rushed to the saloon,

"Sirius!"

But his mother stopped him from moving further with one swift movement of her hand. Sirius was on the ground writhing and making unpleasant sounds, but despite all his suffering, still refusing to scream.

"Go to your room, Regulus." His mother spoke icily. He wanted to say no, he wanted to stay but he'd never been brave enough to refuse her. He wasn't Sirius. So after a final threathening glance from his mother he went back to his room. Soon he heard Sirius's voice stop, his mother's threathening, falsely warm pleas ("Oh, my darling, I had to-" ) and Sirius's quick, thomping footsteps. They'd all thought he had retreated to his room, but there was a doubt eating Regulus' mind. What were those sounds? In less than only five minutes he heard the same footsteps after an angry yell. (Regulus would understand later that Sirius was trying and failing to rip the pictures plastered on his wall.) The outer door slammed. It was quick. Even Walburga Black hadn't had the time to object. It was a warm summer night and the house was hollow. In that inevitable hollowness, Regulus Black's brother had abandoned him to his mother's ice cold plans of his fate. Through his tears, the soon to be fifteen years old boy revelled in his loneliness. Through his tears, Regulus Black learned to hate his brother even more than before, perhaps as much as his brother always hated him.

Grimmauld Place was more hollow than before and the young boy was broken.


	2. Headaches and Newspapers

Harry Potter's first thought was that his bum was hurting. His second thought was that his glasses had fallen off. Finally though, his third thought was the most important: What had just happened?

"You a'right boy?"

Harry looked up. Unfortunately all he saw was a dirty-white beard on a blurry face. But the voice...He was sure he knew it.

"I-My glasses-"

"Here."

"Thanks."

He quickly put on his glasses- he had to see- and got up. The moment he did, he realized being so fast was not such a good idea.

"Hey, watch out kid!"

He felt a hand on his shoulder steadying him, keeping him from falling. He finally looked up.

"A-"

"Don't talk just yet. You don't seem very steady to me."

He wasn't. In fact, his whole world was still turning from his fast get-up. But he just couldn't remember what it was that had caused him to be so light headed. Or how he found himself in front of Aberforth Dumblerdore's Inn, in the middle of the night. Luckily, it appeared Aberforth was in a better mood than the usual.

"Come on in then boy; don't want a dead kid layin' near my inn."

"I-I'm not dead, A-"

"Well, you don't look far from it. And this place already has a bad reputation as it is. I said don't speak."

Harry had many objections-and many questions. But he couldn't find it in himself to disobey Aberforth, mainly because of his murderous headache. Hell, he couldn't even walk straight without Aberforth's help. _Oh Merlin, don't throw up._

Aberforth, not very gently, threw him to a bed and Harry could only mutter one last "A-" before he was fast asleep.

* * *

Harry woke up with the sound of a collision.

"Damned bird!" A raspy voice yelled. From the sound of it, an owl had brought the recent post. "Did you bring the newspaper?" The bird hooted. "Hmph, there it is."

What had happened last night? Harry tried to think through the pounding in his head. He couldn't remember _anything_. His long term memory was fine but his short term memory was no good. No matter how hard he tried yesterday was not coming back to him. Only the blurry moments when Aberforth found him were slightly there.

Aberforth.

Harry did remember he acted slightly strange last night. As if he didn't-But that was not possible. Unless Aberforth was becoming senile-and Harry didn't see that happening any time soon-there was no way he wouldn't recognize Harry. He slowly got up to his feet and waited for a second. Steady. So he was better than last night. Slowly he made his way downstairs to where Aberforth would be. There was nothing he wanted more than to sleep a little more but his hunger was stopping him from laying back on the bed. And he had some questions.

He had aimed to be quiet but his groaning gave him away. He couldn't help it.

"Ah, you're up." He was opening the yellow package of the newspaper he'd been asking.

"Yes, A-"

"So, maybe you can introduce yourself now; normally I don't really care who stays here as long as they pay but tough times these are" Aberforth spoke grumpily, "Could be a bloody Death Eater." He mumbled under his breath but he made sure Harry heard him also.

Surely, he had to be joking. And Death Eaters?

"You're kidding, right?" Harry said, a half smile reaching his face. Aberforth Dumbledore did have an odd sense of humor after all.

Aberforth was not laughing at his own joke. Harry jumped when he slammed the newspaper he'd been holding before on the counter.

"Kidding!" He yelled, "The whole damn world is being dragged into a fucking WAR and you dare say I'm JOKING!" He was breathing heavily now, "You better get the fuck out of here right now, kid."

Harry couldn't move. In fact his legs were shaking. What the hell was happening here? He didn't give it a possibility before but maybe Aberforth was really going senile. Perhaps his mind was not as lasting as his brother's had been. He was panicking now, he had to call Ron and Hermione here to help Abe. But in his slightest move, his already weak legs betrayed him. Harry found himself flat on the floor with his world turning once again. Luckily there was nothing in his stomach that could force its way out right now.

Aberforth, despite his apparent anger, rushed to his side. Harry had learnt in the past year how much of a softie he was on the inside. Apparently, his senile state was not taking away from his personality. Aberforth placed the dizzy boy on a chair and Harry rested his head on the table. Shaking his head, Aberforth went behind the counter once more and Harry heard some rattling. Seconds later a slice of bread, some cheese and a glass dark red liquid was placed next to his head.

"Cheap muggle wine." Aberforth said when he noticed Harry looking at it; he poured another glass for himself. "That's all I got. 25 Knuts will be enough. Business ain't so good anyway." He paused for a second and took a big sip from his wine. "I'm gonna blame your previous gitness to your dizziness. It ain't wise to make light of dark matters nowadays boy. These are dark times."

Harry finally found it in himself to open his eyes. He didn't trust his head to nod just yet so he blinked to show Abe his understanding. As soon as he was feeling better, he had to find his friends. Abe wasn't in a good state. He took a piece from his bread and dipped it in the wine before eating it. He needed get himself together. He decided to ask Abe some questions to deduct just how bad his mind really was.

"You're right. I apologize. How has this place been holding up?"

"Hmph. Not different from any other place I suppose. Always been empty, now it's even worse."

Harry nodded and ate some more. He could finally sit up.

"It'll be better, eventually." He said.

"An optimist, I see. Ah, I doubt it boy. The mad man's gonna have all our heads in the end. I don't even care if you're one of his lot. What you gonna do anyways? Report me? Kill me? Do it. I don't see anything ever getting any better."

It sounded more like he was talking to himself rather than Harry. But he was saying some important stuff. The mad man? He couldn't be talking about- Harry had to understand just what _time_ Abe thought he was in. He decided to use his current state to his advantage.

"Look I, I'm not a very healthy guy. This light headedness happens often. I suppose I am a bit behind on the current issues. What has been happening exactly?"

Aberforth shot him a reprimanding look and got up. He moved to the counter while Harry continued his breakfast. Suddenly the newspaper was thrown on the table, knocking over his wine.

"See for yourself."

Harry almost choked on his food. His eyes bulged. This couldn't be. Faces of the past, names that were dead moved in pictures in front of him. The newspaper was new and shiny and he'd heard it being brought this morning. He'd seen Aberforth open the package in front of his eyes. But the date. No. It couldn't be.

He looked up at Aberforth, his mouth forming a perfect "o" and his heart stopped. He'd never noticed the decrease of white in his beard before this moment. The minority of the lines in the edges of his eyes. Just how young he looked.

He swallowed and looked back at the newspaper. The date. The date was impossible. But somehow it was true.

 _September 10, 1977_

* * *

 **Soo here it is. This was originally the first chapter before but for some reason I wanted to pull the Regulus chapter forward. I don't know why. To set the tone perhaps. Anyways thanks to anyone who read and reviews are appreciated. It was perhaps a stupid move to rewrite an entire unfinished story but I felt like I couldn't finish the other one with the way it was. I'm just much more satisfied with this right now. Anyways thanks and I hope you keep reading! If curious, you can find the original Time Flies Backwards on my page I will not erase it.**

 **Lots of Love,**

 **Necesisstas**


	3. Nerves and Brothers

In the third noon of Harry Potter's visit to Hog's Head, Albus Dumbledore walked in.

The day Harry found out the date he had thrown the paper from his hands and shocked Aberforth with his uncontrollable shaking. Aberforth had hurriedly carried his guest back to his bedroom. "No St. Mungo's" the boy had insisted. "Please." And as soon as he managed to raise his head from the pillow, he had requested to talk to Albus Dumbledore. He told Aberforth that he absolutely had to go to Hogwarts. Was he a student? A Death Eater? A crazy man with a grudge or an even crazier little fan of his? Aberforth had then shaken his head clear of worries. All of that would matter later on, when the boy healed. Though he had a feeling they would matter strongly.

So Aberforth hadn't let him go. He was right to do so, probably, as Harry was not in a good state to apparate or floo yet. He was dedicated to use Ariana's passage before sorrowfully realizing that the passage would not be there until 1997. He was clearly twenty years early.

Upon finding the note that his peculiar guest was "only borrowing" one of the old brooms and rushing out to find him writhing on the floor, clearly fallen, Aberforth gave in. He sent an urgent note to his brother.

 _"Odd guest. Claims he has something very important to tell you. You might want to check this out. Come tomorrow."_

So the next day, Albus Dumbledore came to see Harry. Because it had to be important if it was worth his brother writing to him. His eyes landed on the portrait across the room briefly.

"Albus." Aberforth greeted from the counter. He didn't bother much to look at his face.

Albus Dumbledore smiled. "Aberforth." He turned his head to the door he'd just entered. "Your goats are as lovely as ever."

"Hmph."

"So, where is this peculiar young man?"

"Up." Aberforth motioned with his head. "Didn't tell him you were coming. Thought he might die of the excitement. He is not very good already."

"Very well." Albus moved ahead. Both brothers knew he wouldn't have bothered if it weren't for Aberforth's sake. But he had to see this mad boy his brother was stuck with. Both brothers also knew that neither would admit to any kind of affection they had for each other what so ever.

So Albus Dumbledore walked up the stairs. Aberforth Dumbledore did not raise his head from his counter he was too busy scrubbing.

The girl in the portrait looked ahead sadly.

* * *

Harry Potter was currently sitting down on the bed he was supposed to be resting in.

A moment ago he'd been pacing around the room, just trying to _grasp_ the situation he was in. But how could he ever? There was nothing to grasp and the more he thought about it the more unbelievable everything got. Maybe this was a trick by Ron and Ginny. Maybe they had somehow talked Aberforth into it and decided to shock him. Maybe they were trying to cheer George up, who knows? Hermione would have been opposed to it. She wouldn't like such jokes. It was the most logical explanation Harry could come up with yet it couldn't be.

It seemed far too cruel to be a joke.

 _If only_ , Harry thought desperately, _I could see Dumbledore_. Just then, the door opened. He would recognize those electric blue eyes anywhere.

"Sir." Harry got up rapidly. A nausea hit him as he did but he didn't mind. He couldn't bother with feeling sick right now. Dumbledore eyed him curiously.

"Young man." He greeted back. It sounded so distant.

So it was real. It wasn't a joke, it wasn't a trick, all there was to it was reality. Unless he was dead. Maybe this was just like King's Cross.

"Have I died?" Dumbledore raised his eyebrows and continued to sit on an old chair across the bed.

"I don't think so, young man, you look very alive to me."

And Harry's last bit of denial died down. He took a moment to breathe. Dumbledore waited patiently while watching Harry trying to calm down. Harry wondered what he thought of him right now. Not very good things, he supposed. The thought stung a little.

"It seems you have important things to tell me, young man." He had to be strong.

"I do, sir. I just-don't really know where to start."

"Why not with your name?" Dumbledore suggested.

"Harry."

"That's it?"

"For now."

Now what? Harry thought. He was feeling quite desperate. The fact that Dumbledore seemed quite amused by him did not help at all. He decided to just go for it.

"Sir, I come from-" He hesitated,

"Yes?"

"Another time. About twenty-twenty one years ahead, actually."

Dumbledore looked at him strangely for a moment. Then suddenly, he got up. "Very well then." He said and made his way to the door. What was happening? "I will seek for your safe transition to St. Mungo's ward and cover your expenses to my brother, young man." Harry was shell shocked. How could Dumbledore disregard him so easily? But then again, how could he not? Harry had to think fast.

"In 1997," he pressed his words, "you told me about Ariana." This was half true. He'd been dead then, they'd both been dead and he'd gotten more than half of the story from Aberforth but still it felt like the most efficient way to make him stop. It worked. Dumbledore turned back around as if he'd just been hit by lightning.

"What did you say?"

"You told me about her, and about Grindewald and how you regretted her death. Because you never knew if-"

"Enough." He seemed to be shaken but he closed the door back. "Has my brother told you about this?"

"Aberforth? No. We've hardly spoken as I've been ill." Harry explained. He was desperate for Dumbledore to believe him. If anybody knew what to do about his situation, it would be Albus Dumbledore.

"I don't believe you but I'll give you this chance." Dumbledore spoke after a while. "I will use Legilimency."

"No-sir, there are things you can't-"

But Dumbledore had already taken his wand out.

" _Legilimens_ "

* * *

Downstairs Aberforth was waiting. It would be a lie to say he wasn't wondering slightly about what was happening between his peculiar guest and his brother. Albus had given him quite a time after all.

He shook his head. It wasn't really his business. This Inn was his business. _He better pay me some extra with all the vomit I sweeped these past two days,_ Aberforth thought bitterly.

Just then his brother made his way downstairs and left a sac on the counter.

"The young man's expenses." He explained, "Mr. Harry is coming with me." Peculiar. Aberforth raised his eyebrows.

"Where is he, then?"

Albus sighed.

"Throwing up. It seems he was feeling quite nauseous. Or maybe nerves who knows? Your toilet has become a bit of a mess I'm afraid. I could leave some more, if you'd like?"

Aberforth gave away a long huff.

"Don't bother," He said wearily, "I've gotten used to it by now."

* * *

 **Helloo everyone,**

 **I'll write the next chapter soon because I'm excited for it. ;) So Harry's having a very very extra version of a jet laggish thing but who could blame him really? Hope you like it.**

 **Lots of Love,**

 **Necesisstas**


	4. Memories and Look Alikes

Albus Dumbledore was shaken, to say the least.

The boy proved to be poor at Occlumency however his panic scrambled his memories. Albus could only see bits and pieces of what proved to be the future. Some newspaper dates here and there, a red haired boy resembling the Weasley clan, a bushy haired little girl... An engraved memory of a hollow man falling into a veil. Could it be _the_ Veil? But of course should the young man be one of Voldemort's then rather than being bad at Occlumency, this all could mean that he was perfect at it. Could he be as good as to create false memories? Would they be purposefully so scrambled or just a creation error? Dumbledore had contemplated all this as well, but there were other things he saw that somehow, in a crazy way, convinced him of the boy's story.

A redhead with a pair of startling green eyes. Another young man, with such resemblance to the one Albus had just met, leading his small, young family upstairs before facing a face he'd recognize anywhere.

And himself. Again and again through the young boy's life Albus Dumbledore appeared, leaving a baby in a doorstep, in front of a mirror that should have been forbidden for the young boy, watching his office being smashed...

Dumbledore _recognized_ himself and there was no way that someone could know him so well to replicate his mannerisms in a memory. Not even Voldemort himself could do it so successfully.

And so there were four things he could make out of the memories and their conversation in total:

1) The young man and himself were close and had a trusting relationship throughout his Hogwarts years.

2) He could not for the life of him remember how he came to be here, in this time.

3) He was an important boy in his own time, having his share of Voldemort's rage.

4) His parents appeared to be James Potter and Lily Evans, the Head Boy and the Head Girl assigned for this year.

So Harry Potter (his reaction to the name confirmed Dumbledore's guess) was to come to Hogwarts because through this highly unlikely circumstances it was better to keep him in eyesight.

It would be an exciting year, after all.

* * *

Harry Potter-Temporarily Harry Granger, wandered around the halls of Hogwarts. A couple of people mistook him for James but he was quick to walk past them (his Gryffindor robes didn't help at all). He reprised his story in his head for the thousandth time. His father was a muggle journalist. His mother was a talented witch and a Healer who worked individually. They traveled often, due to his father's job, found small wizarding communities wherever they were. Harry was homeschooled due to this. His mother had refused to leave her family behind and join Voldemort. His parents had been killed by Death Eaters because of this. His scar was an outcome of this. Dumbledore knew his mother, he'd taken Harry under his wing and into Hogwarts. Harry needed to write all this down.

Thanks to Dumbledore his school supplies were handled and he was funded a decent amount of money to go for the year. Harry hoped his return wouldn't take so long, and his memory wouldn't fail him any longer. So far, all he remembered was his last breakfast at the Burrow.

Harry didn't quite understand why he _needed_ to be here. He supposed Dumbledore found him too interesting or perhaps too dangerous to be left alone in the wizarding world, out of his time. He hadn't protested so much to Dumbledore's idea. He'd missed Hogwarts and there were people here he wanted to see. To get to know. He was actually ashamed to feel slightly excited. Dumbledore had told him that James had become the Head Boy this year, thus getting his own quarters and Harry would be placed in his old room. Harry could see that unlike him, Dumbledore wasn't very keen on the idea, as he'd seen that Harry knew his dorm mates, to some extent at least. Harry too, didn't know how their future selves would react to these new memories of him from a time he shouldn't be didn't know how these new memories would even be formed. Would they appear all of a sudden? Or would they just be there already, normally? But he had to give this a shot.

Hermione would chastise him for even thinking of tampering with the course of time. But Harry felt he had to spend his time here efficiently. Maybe this odd occurence was a blessing. He felt he at least had to try, to save the people he loved. He had enough information to do so, after all.

* * *

Lily Evans was appalled.

So was Harry. He was hoping he hid it well, but he strongly doubted it. It was dinner time and there he was, in the Great Hall, sitting right across his mother. Seventeen and lively.

Lily's surprise was for another reason entirely. This boy sitting across her (looking at her very oddly) looked exactly like James Potter, the Head Boy whom she had very complicated feelings for. Except for his green eyes, (did they look like hers, a little?) and that slightly visible but awful (because that must have hurt _a lot_ ) scar on his forehead. And she'd never seen him before. Sure there must be people from her year she didn't know. But an almost exact replica of James Potter, whom she hated dearly for six years, whom she didn't hate quite so strongly anymore (well, she supposed) in their year, in Gryffindor? She'd know.

"I'm sorry," she broke the awkward silence, "I've never seen you before?"

She looked at her best friend, Alice with the side of her eye, waiting for her chastise, because this question didn't fit in Alice's definition of kind very much. But Alice said none. Her gaze was also fixed on the James Potter look alike, surprised apparently.

The boy, finally, spoke.

"I-I'm Harry." he said, then realized this didn't answer her question really. He cleared his throat nervously. "I'm new."

"Nice to meet you Harry." Alice smiled, though still slightly taken aback. Lily knew they were thinking the same thing, but if the first thing about Lily was that she was curious, then the first thing about Alice was that she was nice. And Alice was always very nice to people. "I'm Alice, and this is Lily." Lily wasn't.

"I didn't know you could be new at Hogwarts-" "Lily!" "What? I'm sorry-Harry-but I didn't."

"Oh, you can't." Harry broke their little banter, "Mine is more of a speacial case I suppose."

"Oh." She was curious, not outright rude. "Well then, welcome."

And Harry had trained himself well enough to know that unless you are asked, you do not need to reprise your story. He was lucky this time.

"Thanks." He smiled. His insides were shattering.

* * *

A few seats down the table, a very uneasy James Potter was watching their exchange.

"Who is that she is talking to?"

"I don't know Prongs, but he looks crazy alike to you." Sirius leaned back on his seat airily to get a better look.

"I thought that _was_ you."

"We walked in here together, Wormy, you've been sitting next to me for the past twenty minutes."

Sirus scoffed but didn't laugh when Remus gave him a stern look before speaking:

"He does resemble you very much though James."

"Yes but how could that be? Have any of you seen him before?" James asked hastily.

"No." Sirius responded while Peter shook his head.

"I think we'd all know if there was a copy of you wandering around the halls James." Remus spoke logically. Yet none of his logic explained the sudden appearance of this strange look alike.

"Who is he?" James asked desperately but quietly one last time.

"Harry Granger."

Three of the Marauders jumped in their seats. Sirius just fixed his position and looked up.

"And he will be staying with you." Professor McGonagall had appeared out of nowhere.

"With us?" Remus asked.

"Yes. Mr. Granger is new due to special circumstances and with a newly empty spot in your room, he is placed with you. Professor Dumbledore specially asks you to not make him feel uncomfortable," Her mouth formed a thin line, "Understood?"

Sirius, daringly, raised his eyebrows. "That sounds like an order."

McGonagall looked at him sternly. "Then you may take it as one, . Now I would like to place Mr. Granger in a room less-troublesome, however your chambers seem to be the only one available." Her stare softened just a little, "I trust you boys, alright?"

"Alright Professor," Remus reassured her, "We'll be good to -err, Harry."

"Very well," She turned to leave but seemed to remember one last thing "Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, has the Quidditch practices began yet?"

James, despite his cross mood, grinned when he heard the sport, "Soon Professor, we're still short one person."

"I expect the trophy this year as well boys, make me proud."

To this, Sirius grinned as well.

"This season is ours, Minnie. We're not leaving Hogwarts without a win."

McGonagall, although discontent with being called Minnie, gave them a stern smile and left.

"So," Sirius gave a devilish, and not a very well meaning smile, "your twin is our new dormmate James."

"Sirus."

"I'm just saying Moony."

But James Potter said nothing. He thoughtfully continued to study his look alike; he was feeling a familiarity he didn't quite understand. Who was this boy?


	5. Slytherins and First Impressions

Harry had expected his first social experience in this time to be meeting the Marauders.

It had been a too optimistic wish, he saw that now. After last night's dinner, Lily had gone off to do some Head Girl duties and he was left awkwardly alone with Alice. He had secretly paid attention to the girl; she was kind like Neville but had an aura of confidence Neville had only began to show fully during his late teens. For Alice it seemed to be a birth-given trait. Of course, she hadn't been raised by Augusta Longbottom. This last thought had made him curious about Frank Longbottom. He would be here as well. Just as he had been thinking, Alice had broken the awkward silence by introducing the two of them. They were already a couple.

Harry had spoken them for quite a bit. Frank Longbottom was a softly but firmly spoken man, idealistic and good humored. He made jokes occasionally and Harry saw a proud glimpse in his eyes each time Alice would double over in laughter. Alice was much more open around her boyfriend; while Frank was more opinionated she was more analytical. To Frank all Death Eaters were secret psychopaths. To Alice, perhaps some of them were, but surely there must be factors that seemed reasonable enough to them to lead them to this path. Or perhaps family issues.

"I don't think so," Frank had contemplated, "I mean, look at Sirius Black. He has the mother of family issues, yet he doesn't go on a crazy death rampage."

"He can be an angry boy though," Alice had spoken softly. Frank had defended Sirius.

"To some," he had said, "But he is a good person believing in a good cause."

When they disagreed, they disagreed maturely, and in regard for each other. They were both determined to make a change. They both seemed to believe that one day, Voldemort would be gone.

Harry had been surprised by how comfortably they could speak about such topics to a complete stranger. Harry realized it was partly because of his Gryffindor robes. House loyalty. Brave and good Gryffindors. He had wished it were so simple.

The rest of the talk had been enjoyable. Frank had shown Harry his room. He had Neville's ears and nose. Maybe chin, a little. Rest of Neville was completely Alice. Right before entering his room, Frank had warned that he would probably be alone tonight as his roommates did not usually prefer coming back to their room so early, especially when there wasn't much work to be done. "Troublesome bunch, but you'll like them," he had added, somewhat nervously, though Harry hadn't really paid attention. He felt a childish disappointment that he wouldn't get to see them just yet.

Instead, after Frank and Alice, his first social interaction had been with a bunch of Slytherins.

It was the next morning. Harry was drowsy, disappointed and disoriented. A perfect mood to be cornered by snickering Slytherins.

"W-what?" He managed to say and the group only snickered louder. He sharply turned his head when one sound among all was too familiar.

There were about five of them. Severus Snape was the first one Harry recognized. His breath caught in his throat, but he managed to calm himself. Snape had grown a bit since that memory in his fifth year. He was still skinny and awkward but taller and less so. His never changing hair, odd posture and huge nose gave him his weird, usual silhouette. His eyes were less innocent and less confused. After losing Lily with that word, he was a boy with not much to lose. Or so he thought.

"You seem to have taken a liking to Severus?" The boy closest to him spoke sarcastically. _Rookwood_.

" _Stupefy_!"

The spell didn't hit him. Harry was almost relieved because he hadn't really meant to do that. It was a reflex, an automatic response. Seeing his face, even when so young, had immediately taken Harry back to the war. All those people he killed. All those people Harry loved. He wanted to kill him, hurt him but he couldn't. Dumbledore would never let him wander in Hogwarts again. And he had to be here, in the school.

But the person who put the protection charm hadn't done it to save Harry's chance at Hogwarts. It was the third boy Harry recognized that had done it. Harry turned to look at the face of this quick wizard: Regulus Black.

"You're fast," the younger boy mocked him, "but I'm faster." He made to move his wand but Rookwood stopped him.

"Let us first ask our questions, Regulus," he ordered the boy, "then you can dangle him upside down." The other two Slytherins snickered like it was the funniest thing they'd heard in years. Regulus looked at Rookwood with disdain, but he stopped. Harry covertly examined the boy. He was one of the people he and his friends had always been most curious about.

Regulus had Sirius's looks and built, however while Sirius had appeared more athletic in old pictures, Regulus was leaner. Perhaps it was because he was young but he also seemed to lack his elder brother's negligent charms. Nonetheless, Harry assumed the reason so many girls were in the audience of their spectacle wasn't Rookwood or Snape. Like Sirius, Regulus seemed to not notice the female attention he kept attracting. Harry noticed it, because although they were regarded as the evil Death Eater Slytherins, most girls in the audience seemed to want to see Regulus do stuff. Even if that was dangling the poor, odd, new boy on the air. It made Harry uneasy. Regulus wasn't paying attention to their "conversation" anymore, he seemed to just wait for his turn. Rookwood began speaking.

"What's your name?"

"Harry."

"Smart." Rookwood spat, mockingly. "Your _surname_."

"Granger." Harry spoke fearlessly.

Rookwood grinned in pleasure. He seemed to have gotten what he wanted.

"Do you know any pure blood Grangers?" He asked his companions matter of factly.

"It's not a pure blood name," One boy answered knowingly. Harry saw Regulus secretly roll his eyes.

"You better be half-blood for your sake," Rookwood grinned disgustingly. Regulus sighed and readied his wand. Harry didn't want to hurt Regulus or Snape –well maybe hurt Snape, a little bit—but he would defend himself.

"Or what!" He was seething with anger. He took out his wand also.

"Or—"

"HEY!"

Suddenly the face Harry wanted to see the most broke out into the tight circle. James Potter stood by Harry's side.

"What is happening here?" He asked. He wasn't as tall as the bunch, but he was intimidating. Perhaps because of his Quidditch training, perhaps because he was so angry or perhaps both. Snape's face tensed with disgust. From the corner of his eye Harry saw Sirius in the back. He was behind the Slytherins, his wand was ready as well but he didn't immediately jump into the circle. He wondered what they were planning.

"This is none of your business Potter," Rookwood said between his teeth. He seemed to be more uncomfortable now. James was angry but his voice was calm when he spoke.

"It bloody well is, as I am the Head Boy. Scram or I'll have you all sent to Dumbledore." Sirius grinned at the threat. Harry guessed he wasn't so used to see James this serious.

"Have us all sent to _Dumbledore?"_ Rookwood mocked, but he didn't press further. "Save your petty threats." He walked away first, a very clear shade of red. Snape followed him, it looked like he didn't want to spend one more minute around James and Sirius.

Regulus turned only to come face to face with his brother. They spent a second staring at each other but Regulus quickly pushed past him. Sirius ignored.

"Walk away now," he ordered the crowd that had been watching. People just did what he said. They both turned to Harry. This was more nerve wrecking than being surrounded by angry Slytherins.

"You alright?" James asked. Harry felt a little taken aback. He thought James would sound…kinder.

"Err-yeah, fine. I was about to handle it." James raised an eyebrow at that. "Really?"

"Yes, really." Harry couldn't help himself. He hated being mocked. He hated the treatment he was getting from James. His sunshine and rainbow fantasy about them getting along just so well and the Marauders- minus Peter- sharing their every secret with him seemed far from actually coming true.

"Very well," Sirius smirked, "It seems out help here is not appreciated. Come on, James." Swiftly he turned to leave.

"Sorry about that," James spoke coldly before following him, "I'll let you handle them next time."

And they were gone. Harry mentally slapped himself. Thousands and thousands of times.

* * *

 **Hello everyone,**

 **I am aware that this has taken much too long. But I just couldn't write. Anyone who would not like to read this is welcome to pass however, as I am anonymous here and have trouble talking about my feelings face to face ( I feel even weirder to write them in a journal but I try) I have decided to ramble here. My hands are shaking as I write this. On August 5, I lost my father. I have been in unimaginable pain ever since and I don't believe for a second my struggle will ever pass. He was ill but he was diagnosed not long ago, and we always expected him to get better. When the door bell rings a little late at evening I expect it to be him back from work. I was so angry for the longest time. In the beginning I wished for all the fathers in the world to be dead so every single person would feel my pain. I wanted my hurting to be equally distributed among all so that I wouldn't explode. I have since calmed down but I know the happiest times of my life has passed. Every happy experience from now on will be a bittersweet one. I am in my late teens, I have a younger brother who is in his mid-teens and I never ever for one second thought this would happen to us. We were a happy family, so so happy that we were borderline boring, and it was the best monotone life anyone could ask for. I miss my life so much. I miss my father inexplicably so. I have been uploading this story very slowly lately because it is difficult for me to write about Harry going back in time and trying to bond and save his deceased parents. It is disturbing yet oddly therapeutic. I'm doing my best to think of it as nothing more than a story and characters. I plan to finish this story. It may be slow, I don't really know. And this little piece of writing does not really have a point. I just thought I could use these little bits to get things off my chest sometimes. If anyone has bothered to finish this, thanks for listening.**

 **Love, Necesisstas.**


	6. New Professors and Heartbeats

Harry had not seen much of the Marauders after the corridor incident. It had been a couple of days since. Harry's three dorm mates came to their chambers very late at night, if at all, and left quite early in the morning. To Harry's surprise, Sirius appeared to be the earliest riser. He would get up, loudly complain about his hangover, never really sounding as bad as he said he felt, and it wouldn't take Remus long to follow him. Peter never awoke, Harry always wished he had died in his sleep; who knows, maybe his arrival had changed the time continuum? Maybe Peter had disliked having a new dorm mate so much that he had begun drinking uncontrollably so that his liver had collapsed mere within two days… Of course then Sirius would smack Peter on the head, or act in some form of affectionate violence, and Peter would groan and wake up leaving Harry very disappointed. In truth, Harry was the earliest riser. It was something him, Ron and Hermione were still suffering from since the war. The nightmare stricken three friends would sit in the Burrow's quite kitchen, sometimes joined by Ginny, wait for dawn and enjoy each other's peaceful silence. So Harry would be awake, quietly waiting for the Marauders' first sound of the day. He wished so bad to converse with them but they'd been staying in the same chambers for almost a week now without any contact. Harry didn't know how to begin any form of interaction without it being painfully awkward. It didn't really have to be smooth or well, it could be awkward. Just not _painfully_ so. Especially after his horrible encounter with James and Sirius he was actually afraid to meet them. He didn't know if he could deal with it if they didn't like him. So he just lay there, not disrupting his peaceful breathing to appear sleeping but in reality terribly awake, listening to their dialogue and inserting himself into it in his mind. It was crazy and pathetic. And quite fun.

This morning Remus had actually acknowledged him.

"Maybe we should wake him up as well…Invite him to breakfast?" His heart had skipped a beat in excitement but he doubted they would actually do it.

"Why?" Sirius had asked, apparently not liking the idea very much.

"I don't know, we could get to know him," Remus had suggested but he didn't seem very sure of his own idea.

"Let's just go," Sirius had said tiredly. "'Yeah," Peter had piped in, just recently awake, "Let's go." He was trying not to sound eager but he obviously didn't want a potential new friend. His pitifulness gave Harry a sense of satisfaction. Even after seven years Peter still didn't trust his spot in the small group. So they were gone.

Harry had slowly gotten up after their leave, trying to wash away the sense of disappointment. He wished he had pretended to just waking up in the middle of their conversation. Then they would be forced to invite him. Right?

Harry sighed. At least there was Defense against the Dark Arts today. That would be fun. Probably.

* * *

"Hello Harry," a cheerful voice spoke.

Lily Evans had decided to sit next to the new boy in DADA. She had to admit, she hadn't given him so much attention other than discussing his unimaginable physical alikeness to the one and only James Potter with her friends. However this morning Alice had pointed out that the poor boy was sitting alone.

"Isn't he roommates with that lot?" She'd looked over to James Potter and his friends. "You would think they would show him some courtesy." Alice would always have trouble understanding other people's lack of kindness.

"Well," Frank had spoken unsurely, "it's very new, isn't it? They'll get used to each other." But it had sounded more hopeful than certain. "We can invite him over. I certainly like Harry," Frank had said, and just as they were about to call out, Harry had gotten up and left without noticing them.

"Next time, then." Frank had muttered to himself. Meanwhile, Alice was still critical of the Marauders.

"You would expect at least Remus to be nice,"

"I can talk to Remus," Lily had finally said, "We were prefects together, we get along fine."

"Oh, right" Alice had smiled, much more relaxed now. Lily had affectionately thought that she was sitting across the single nicest couple she'd ever know.

So today, when she saw Harry sitting by himself again in DADA, she decided that she wouldn't leave him alone. She'd talk to Remus tonight, she mentally made a note to do so.

"Can I sit with you?"

"Oh, of course," Harry said. This morning's misfortune had certainly bounced back. Lily smiled.

"So, how's it going Harry? Have you adjusted?" Harry smiled at his mother's formal tone. She sounded like a Head Girl in duty but he wasn't offended by it. It appeared to be in her character.

"Oh you know," he muttered, "classes have been keeping me busy." That had sounded a lot less lonely in his head.

"Well, you can always sit with us you know, you don't have to ask."

"Yes!" Alice took a seat right behind them with a big smile, giving Lily a jump, "You can come whenever you want Harry."

"Merlin, Alice," Lily muttered under her breath, Alice smiled playfully, "If you're not used to it by now—"

"I know, I know."

"Fraaank!" Alice suddenly started waving maniacally (but adorably). Harry and Lily turned at the direction she was looking. Frank had just walked in with the Marauders. "My lady calls," he playfully said to them and walked over next to Alice, not noticing the look on James' face when he saw Harry sitting next Lily. Harry and the Marauders noticed it very clearly.

Harry gulped and turned back. Bad, had just gotten worse. The Marauders took a seat at the back, and Harry could feel James's stare at his back and this was literally the most ridiculous situation he'd ever been in. He was sure that there had not been a single person in an odder situation than this. Lily seemed to sense his discomfort.

"Do you not get along with them?" She remembered their conversation this morning. For some reason she wanted Harry to be comfortable in Hogwarts. She wondered why she felt a kinship towards him.

"Um, I guess we're not off to a good start," Upon Lily's stare he added, "It's okay though. Nothing major; it'll be okay soon I'm sure."

Harry was expecting his mother to spit fire and let out smokes of rage. He'd never seen James and Lily together since his arrival. It was worrying him to be honest. What if they never made him? Would he suddenly start disappearing? Would he have to take matters into his own hands and play match maker? Maybe some fake love notes, he decided. Or an anonymous box of chocolates that would make Lily realize her true, ever-lasting love for James and her want for a life with him in a picket-fenced house with babies and pets and magic. He shook his head back to sense.

"James is alright." Lily spoke. And off his head went again.

"Wha-oh, um okay?" Lily gave him a strange look but continued. She checked if James was anywhere near hearing range, so subtly that Harry was sure it was a secret taught only to girls because Hermione and Ginny were right on experts at that too. He and Ron on the other hand was as bad at it as they were at potions.

"I actually used to hate him, but I'm over it I guess. People change apparently." She then smiled. She seemed embarrassed. "Sorry. You don't want to know all this."

On the contrary, Harry thought. Please tell me about your love life Lily. I need all the assurance that I will keep on existing.

"It's alright. I'm an alright listener." Lily laughed slightly. "We'll have to talk later," she told him, glad to avoid an awkward conversation, "our scary looking professor is here"

Harry looked up to see that Lily was right. The professor was here. And she was scary looking. She wasn't horrible-looking or unattractive like Umbridge. Rather, she was attractive in an intimidating sense. She was tall and fit like a professional sports player or an incredibly trained Auror maybe. She looked like she was riding dragons every two days, dueling giants when she wasn't teaching or murdering people with that hawk-like stare.

"She's pretty though," Harry muttered to Lily who rolled her eyes playfully,"Yeah, she's not bad," she then agreed. "I like black hair."

As if she'd heard, the woman turned her head to their direction and stared at them shortly. Her mop of thick black hair waved behind her head. Harry suddenly realized how quite the classroom grew. Fortunately, the woman diverted her gaze from them to address the class.

"Good morning," She said, as if she wished a morning of birds shitting on each and every person's face in that classroom. Some people faintly nodded at her greeting.

"It's certainly a good morning with you in the room," James dared to speak cheekily. Harry was certain his father was far braver than him.

The woman smirked. "Quiet." James raised an eyebrow but silenced. Harry tentatively looked behind to see Sirius handing a galleon to James.

"I'm Professor Hawk." The woman spoke in her icy voice. "You all know what I teach and that I'm new obviously, so just bear with me." If you don't bear with me I'll have you all spiked up your arses, Harry mentally added in her voice. Just as he was studying her, she turned to meet his gaze once again. She had a pair of cold blue eyes. Harry held her stare. He hated being challenged by sketchy teachers. He'd seen too many of them already.

She diverted her gaze shortly. Just as Harry thought she had finished staring, he noticed where her attention had spanned to: James. With a slightly quirked eyebrow she looked at Harry once again. But she didn't say anything. Instead she turned to class.

"Very well," she spoke, "Open your books then."

* * *

The night had just fallen.

Rookwood didn't understand why Regulus always retreated to his chambers so early. Regulus didn't need him to understand it. It was enough that he didn't question it. Rookwood kept himself busy enough by fuming about Regulus being given a mission by the Dark Lord. Regulus could see it every time he spoke to Rookwood. Jealousy sure was very amusing on him. The young boy sighed, he hated hearing his mission under his bed all the time.

Keeping it there was stupid. He knew he had to place it somewhere soon. But where? Where could he possibly put it that Dumbledore wouldn't understand?

He knew the old man suspected him. He knew that the headmaster was aware of the Dark Mark burning under his sleeves. Sirius wasn't. But then again when had Sirius ever been aware of anything concerning his brother? The moment that damned hat had yelled Slytherin was the moment Regulus knew he'd lost his brother.

He wondered why he was thinking of such things now. He had learnt to bury his anger deep down since his childhood years. Thanks to his gracious mother with her gracious punishments, Regulus always knew the right thing to do and say. According to his mother, that is. But now, especially at nights where he just lay in his bed, expecting to calm himself, seething anger burned through his chest and filled his lungs. Some days, his hands would become bloody by the nails he didn't realize he'd been digging.

It was because of that thing. Deep down he knew it was to blame and that damned sound it was making. Like it had a heart: _Tha-thump-tha-thump-tha-thump._

It was disgusting. Atrocious. _Scary_.

Regulus was scared.

He was scared of that thing being alive. Being able to influence his thoughts. Making him lose control of his feelings which he had thought he'd become a master of. He didn't want to complete his mission for the sense of satisfaction anymore. His mother's praises, the DarkLord's approval, even the look on Sirius' face when he realized how guilty he was in Regulus' marking…None of that mattered. He needed to complete his mission because he couldn't spend one more fucking minute hearing that thing's heartbeat.

He was hating his Dark Mark more with each second passing by.

* * *

 **Thanks to everyone who left a comment and kind words the last time.**

 **Two horrible, disgusting terror attacks happened this week in Istanbul and then Jakarta. The world is becoming a scarier, prejudiced, black and white place to live in. It looks like a dark path once again, and the most important thing every one of us must always hold on to is our humanity.**

 **Here's another, shorter rant and a longer chapter. Enjoy.**

 **Love,**

 **Necesisstas**

 **Sad to hear about Alan Rickman and David Bowie.**


	7. Awkward Conversations and Burning Slaps

"You've told Hagrid?!"

When Dumbledore had asked Harry to come to his office after dinner, Harry had been thrilled. A nice conversation with Dumbledore was among the many things he'd been missing. He'd even imagined it in his head like a child; there would be tea and lemon drops and Dumbledore speaking in his usual esoteric way. They would surely discuss his odd arrival, what he remembered, how he could go back. Unfortunately, Harry still didn't remember anything. When he forced himself to remember, a terrible head ache and nausea hit him, almost took him back to his state in Aberforth's inn, so he just thought about that as little as he could. Besides, although he felt a little guilty to think like this, he wasn't really in a hurry to get back yet. He was torn. He knew he was playing a dangerous game, but what had ever been safe in his life, really? He hadn't even properly conversed with his father and the Marauders yet. If Dumbledore hadn't come up with a solution on his own—and Dumbledore, in a peculiar way that always made it seem like he knew more than he said, had told Harry that he was _thinking_ on it—there was nothing Harry could do at the moment.

He knew Dumbledore well, his little imaginings had all happened. Then there'd been more.

"Don't worry, Mr. Granger. I trust Hagrid with my life."

Harry knew that. And so did he. But there were many people here he would trust with his life. That didn't mean they all should know about his timely situation.

But Harry knew Dumbledore. He knew his flaws as well as he knew his virtues. Somewhere in that jumble of memories, Dumbledore must have seen Hagrid. Harry could understand that Dumbledore, somehow was trying to use Harry's trust for Hagrid to find out more about him. He was hoping whatever Hagrid found out about Harry, he would tell Dumbledore. At least, he would surely let it slip.

Harry couldn't blame him. If such an incomprehensible situation happened in his timeline, he would try to take some extra measures too. Sure, he wouldn't use people that trusted him for it, but as it was, he knew Dumbledore's flaws. Despite all, he still respected him. Now all he had to do was to be careful about what he'd say to Hagrid. He wasn't sure how much he wanted Dumbledore to find out yet.

Harry sighed.

"If you say so."

They spoke for a few more minutes but Dumbledore mentioned he had to have a small meeting with the new professor, which was Harry's cue to leave. Harry was dying to ask Dumbledore about her. That woman, Hawk, was just so shady and how subtle it was made him incredibly anxious. Harry hadn't realized how much he'd actually gotten used to a life without Voldemort. He thought he was having trouble in his own time, but Merlin, was he wrong. Now that the threat was back, his breath was getting caught up in his throat when he thought about Voldemort being out there, scheming. It took a quite a while for him to remind himself that he wasn't born yet, there was no prophecy, Hogwarts was safe. But Professor Hawk made him uneasy.

"Sir—"

"I apologize, Mr. Granger, I hate to seem rude, but my other guest will arrive shortly."

As always, Dumbledore had sensed that Harry was about to ask a question he didn't really want to answer. Harry sighed. He wanted to go on and insist but he also really didn't want to run into Hawk and make her question his presence here. If that were to happen, she would surely begin to pay even more attention to him.

He had to leave it for later.

* * *

Remus had been waiting for Harry in the common room for a while now. Today, he was alone.

James was off somewhere in a Heads meeting with Lily and McGonagall. Sirius and Peter were in detention, scrubbing trophies– funnily enough they were there for different reasons, formed in the same setting. Sirius had been caught in the act with Claire Davies from Ravenclaw in the library, thanks to Peter's shocked shriek when he'd just gone there to call Sirius for dinner. To be fair, James had warned him –"If he's late, he's late Wormy"—but poor, dim Wormy had not really gotten it and gone to look for him anyway.

So Peter had gotten detention for disrupting the silence and Sirius, well, for apparent reasons. Upon Peter's objection that his crime was far less heavy, Madam Pince had shocked the library community by crying: "Well at least they were _quiet_ , Mr. Pettigrew." She'd regretted that outburst instantly, as the color of her face suggested. Claire Davies, on the other hand, after snorting loudly at those words, had received her detention for another day than Sirius's for obvious _distractions._

And so, he was the sole Marauder today. Earlier in the day, Lily had gotten to him and asked about Harry. She wondered how they got along because, obviously Harry was new and lonely. To be honest, Remus felt guilty about not making an effort to meet their newest dorm mate. He knew how much having friends mattered. How easier it made everything, and as the new kid, everything surely couldn't be easy for Harry. He was afraid he'd upset James and Sirius, apparently they'd gotten off to a bad start. Plus, Lily being close with Harry put him on James's hate list. But Remus, despite being a pessimist was kind. A conversation couldn't hurt.

"Harry!" he called out when he saw the James look alike enter the common room. Shortly after the boy looked at him, he remembered they'd never officially met. When the boy came up to him Remus awkwardly mumbled something along the lines of " Err—it's Harry, I mean, right, cause I—"

"Yes," Harry smiled, friendly. "And you're Remus." Remus sighed in relief and sat back in his armchair, inviting Harry to sit as well. He wondered where to begin.

Harry was ecstatic. All of his disappointment about having to leave Dumbledore's office without any information about Hawk had been washed away when Remus called for him. His days long suffering about how to start a conversation with the Marauders had ended. And he hadn't even done anything! From the way Alice and Frank smiled from across the room, he could tell they had a finger on it. Well whoever it was, Harry was forever thankful.

"So what's up?"

"Err—we couldn't really meet before so…"

"Alright."

And there came the tricky part: Continuing. Harry was not the most socially successful person and Remus was happily introvert. Plus, every time Harry looked at Remus, he found himself looking for signs from the man he would grow up to be. He'd never thought about how awkward it would be to sit down with his favorite professor at his teenage years until it actually happened. He finally decided it would be best to wait for Remus to say something first.

"So, uh, how have you been adjusting?" Harry couldn't help but smile. It was almost the same question his mother had asked before.

"Was that funny?"

"Oh, no…No, it was just similar to the way Lily asked it before."

"Huh, well…Yeah, I guess Lily and I are similar in some forms."

"You are both kind of formal."

"Yeah," Remus smiled. The conversation drifting to Lily had made him uncomfortable. He knew how truly special she was to James. Even though Remus would like to credit his influence, even just a little bit, for James's improvement of his personality over the years, he knew that would be wrong. It was all Lily. Now, Lily was getting close with this new boy, who looked almost _exactly_ like James, and it felt wrong to talk to him so peacefully. He could only imagine the hurt he would see in James and even the thought of hurting one his friends made him nauseous. It made him hate himself.

"Hey, you alright Remus?" The boy with round glasses asked him. He couldn't just up and leave now. He decided to directly ask him.

"So you and Lily—Uhm, you're close."

"Not really."

"Not—"

"I mean, she, Alice and Frank are the nicest people I know. They've really done great to make me feel welcome. But I've only been here a few days and they're the only people I've met yet." The boy then frowned. Remus felt nervous, had he made him uncomfortable? He knew he shouldn't have asked it yet. It was a rude question. But for James's sake he had to know. However Harry's next words revealed that his frown wasn't at all about his question:

"I hadn't meant to sound unappreciative." Harry had realized he had to be careful when talking about his mother. If he let others see how thrilled he was to get to know her, he would surely be misunderstood and the Marauders would hate him. But every careful word he said made him feel like he could have somehow phrased it better. He genuinely was scared of offending Lily, Frank and Alice in any way. Otherwise, he might lose them as well. How easier it would all be if James and Lily just started courting.

"Oh, no, you didn't," Remus unsurprisingly seemed relieved after his nonchalant answer, "No, you were just…realistic."

"Yes, Harry always seems to be too realistic, to the point of being a little blunt, don't you think?"

Harry looked up sharply at the daring comment, only to be faced with a smiling Frank. Frank easily made him scoop over and sat, joined by Alice who reprimanded him: "Don't be harsh with your jokes, Frank."

"I'm not harsh! You're not offended are you Harry?" He smiled warmly.

"Well, I hope I'm not blunt…"

"See?!"

"No, Alice, that doesn't mean he's offended. Harry, please," To which Remus laughed.

"Don't be desperate Frank."

"I am _not_ at all, Remus, thank you very much. It was funny. Wasn't it funny? Come on Harry."

"Well, if I'm _a little_ blunt, it's alright I suppose," he joked as Frank sighed.

Harry was thankful for their sudden appearance. He wanted to keep talking to Remus but he didn't know how to keep the conversation going on his own. Frank and Alice must have noticed the long pauses during their conversation. It would be just like them to dive in for help to ease the awkwardness.

"Soo Harry,"

"Yes."

"Speak."

"Eh?"

"About yourself," Alice finished Frank's command. Uh oh.

"Well, I was born in—"

"Oh, skip all that,"

"Frank!"

"What? No, Harry, see we've been eavesdropping," To which Remus raised an eyebrow, "And we heard Remus question you about Lily,"

"No, I hadn't meant—"Harry began, worried they might have misunderstood his earlier comment but Frank just waved a hand at that and continued.

"And it seemed like a great idea!"

"What?"

"Talking about ladies, why of course. Alice here bets you're the committed-relationship-gentlemen type, like myself I must say."

"Frank…"

"Really, now…"

Both Remus and Alice reacted at the same time, which made Harry think he might have the slightest chance to escape this conversation.

"Wha—come on. Ignore them Harry. You focus on me."

So Frank was nothing like Neville, then.

* * *

James entered the common room without Lily.

They were returning together from the meeting and everything was going alright: No yelling, no fighting, no reprimanding, just small talk. Kind of awkward small talk but a nice awkward that made James feel tiny butterflies in his stomach. The kind that Sirius would make fun of until they and everyone they knew died if he'd ever heard. He'd _never_ hear.

But then, he asked about Harry. Well, then he asked again and again and again. And he insisted.

It started with a 'How dare you' then went on with a 'None of your business' and then the heaviest of all: 'Do you think I'm some kind of a slut that must have got it on with every boy she's ever talked to?!'

He probably shouldn't have said: "I know you're not, then I wouldn't have to try this hard."

So yes, James Potter had earned that slap. Yes, he felt terribly guilty. And yes, he was also very angry.

"James!"

He heard Remus call for him from the seating by the fire. Who was he talking to? There was Frank, Alice and…Oh, no.

He didn't really have to say anything, upon his expression Remus excused himself –he heard him mouth "for a moment", was he going to return there?—and quickly walked over to where James was.

"James, I've got great news!"

"From that new boy I assume," a red James accused.

"Err—well, yes."

"Moony—"

"No, listen, he's not into Lily!"

"That bastard—wait what?"

"You heard me, he's not into her; he said there was someone he couldn't forget."

"Wha—someone else? Other than Lily?"

"Yes!"

"That's great, that's amazing—I mean, sucks for him but –wait, how come you know so much?"

"Frank forced him to tell."

" _Forced_ him?"

"Yes."

"Funny man."

"Yeah, you don't say."

But James was beyond relieved. Sure, he still wasn't happy about that little encounter with Harry after he saved the ungrateful boy from the Slytherins, but that didn't even matter anymore. Plus he _had_ been a little negative towards him because of his closeness to Lily. But that was okay now. It didn't matter. He felt his heavy heart lift up in the light of this happy, happy news.

And then, it went down again.

"But then I ruined everything for nothing!"

"What?"

"Lily just slapped me—"

"What?!"

"It wasn't hard or anything but—"

"But _why,_ James?"

"Because I asked her about Harry!"

"But…How many times did you ask?"

And James's silence was all the answer Remus needed, really.

"You probably deserved it then. Come James," He sighed, "Sit with us."

And James gloomily followed Remus, his cheek burning with guilt and regret. Perhaps he could view her anger as passion?

* * *

 **So, I know physical violence is never nice. It's horrible in relationships but they'll settle it and it will never happen again. (In my verse) Promise.**

 **Look how fast I update. Look. Like a tiger. Go me. I recently took two dumb internet quizzes. One was about which pathogen I am like to people: Hepatit A virus. Ouch. Thanks internet. And the other was which make up supply I am like to people which was foundation. Okay?**

 **So you guys did not need to know these, but I wrote them anyway.**

 **Love,**

 **Necesisstas**


	8. Sad Smiles and Risky Plans

"Harry!"

Harry Potter turned to see a red head hastily running towards him. "Wait up!" Lily Evans called. Of course, Harry had heard what happened. The whole school had heard what happened; apparently when the topic wasn't the Dark Lord's growing threat on the wizarding world, Hogwarts students still heavily relied on plain gossip. 'How vulgar' some James Potter fans deemed; 'He's a twat though' Lily supporters claimed; 'So he was a bad child, he's a good man now' Harry heard from a nearby conversation that morning; 'Just leave it between them' Alice and Frank insisted and refused to feed the gossip to everyone who dared to ask.

Harry considered himself lucky. He had heard the incident directly from his father's mouth yesterday, during their group chat by the fire. Although James had left the _reason_ surrounding the argument rather vague, Harry could guess why. He chose not to dote on it too much. It was frankly an uncomfortable and awkward family situation. He remembered his brave moment of asking James about his crush, he felt he needed to clear himself in his father's eyes somehow, and was pleasantly surprised when James had _smiled_ before answering. He didn't think he'd be glad about Frank's annoying pestering about his love life despite how much he enjoyed talking about Ginny. But he was. Apparently the word had already traveled to James' ears. The awkward family situation was handled.

"Hello Lily," He greeted her calmly. He decided not to ask about it unless she said something. Although he was dying to know. He was never a gossip really he hated it, it was just that this particular situation concerned his future birth. He didn't want to be the "Boy Who Sabotaged His Own Existence".

"Let's walk to Charms together," Lily grabbed his arm and pulled him forward before taking a quick hasty glance back. She seemed to be trying to escape from a group of girls behind them, most probably from their curious questions.

"How are you today?" He asked her. Lily gave a sarcastic laugh.

"Oh, great." He took a look at her. She seemed as red as her hair. Not a shy or flustered shade of red but the kind you get when you are just really suffocating. Her hair usually smooth hair had become almost Hermione-like fluffy which probably showed she was stressed out. Harry could see the group behind weren't the first group of people Lily had tried to avoid today.

"You know," she started angrily, "people just love to gossip. I mean, it's unhealthy. With all the things that are happening who cares if I—" She paused and gave him a side glance.

"Yes?"

"I slapped James Potter."

"I know."

"How?!"

"I don't know, everybody just knows."

" _Everybody?"_

"No, I mean—I guess, kind of, I don't know."

Lily gave a defeated sigh and pulled him aside. Specifically, away from the girls that were still following them. 'Is that James Potter though?' Harry heard one of the girls ask her friends as they passed by disappointedly. 'No it's just that copy of his.' Another responded.

"How rude." Lily clicked her tongue behind them. "Nevermind them" Harry replied hiding his smile. It wasn't much of a compliment but he'd enjoyed hearing it.

"Look" Lily spoke quietly, while checking their surroundings. "I feel terrible. I swear. I know it's awful, okay? But I can't just apologize,"

"Why not?"

"Because—" She paused for a second. "Because I kind of feel ashamed." She admitted finally. "Not just kind of, actually, I just feel ashamed."

"It's okay." Harry assured her. He wasn't much of an advice giver. Although he asked himself repeatedly 'What would Hermione say?' he still kind of failed in forming long sentences.

"No Harry look, I always try to do the right thing. In every situation. It's just how I feel comfortable. I have _never_ and I mean ever intentionally done something I knew was wrong before. I don't know how to deal with this, really I don't."

Harry smiled. He had found that his mother had this beautiful innocence that him feel so much at the same time. He was so proud of her heart and so angry at her fate. He saw how much of a child she was. How much she still had to learn and how little of it she would actually get to learn. It made him want to run away, scream at the top of his lungs, break stuff and cry. He had thought being with his parents could be interesting. But lately all he could be interested in was how much it multiplied his pain.

"Just apologize," He told her shortly. He felt it was a summary of what Hermione would say, "It's okay; it's impossible to always do the right thing. Trust me," he told her, "I know this."

She seemed unsure. "And apologizing will make it okay?"

"Well, it's probably going to make it better than not apologizing." He replied, and then he added, "Also if you feel like you also deserve an apology—"

"I know I do." Lily said fiercely.

"Good. Then ask for it as well." Harry smiled at her. Maybe he was kind of getting good at giving advices.

"Right," Lily said once, looking away. She seemed to be in deep thought. She finally turned to look at him. "Right. I'll do both. Great. Thanks Harry," she smiled at him sweetly and grabbed his arm once again. "Let's go to class then."

And just as they continued to walk she said something else Harry would never forget.

"You know, you have such a sad smile."

* * *

Sirius Black did not like Harry Granger.

The black-haired young boy sat alone by the lake, fuming with anger in a very handsome manner. Was he secretly aware of the group of girls nearby, playing with the water loudly to attract his attention? Yes, he was. Was he going to give them some time from his day? No, maybe another day. He wasn't in the mood right now. He was busy feeling angry.

It had been hard to ditch Wormtail today; even after seven years that boy was still managing to get clingier by day. Sirius loved his friend, for sure but his lack of confidence bored him lately. He managed to leave him with Moony in the library and head out alone. Remus had a way of understanding when he needed time on his own.

His partner in crime on the other hand, was rather daft.

"You are too quick to judge people." James had told him today. Anger rose in his chest once more. He skipped a rock on the lake. The girls nearby giggled. He didn't look their way.

He spent one fucking evening in detention, and all at once the Marauders _liked_ Granger? That arrogant weird little boy, who hadn't even appreciated their help the other day?

It wasn't because of his lack of appreciation that made Sirius dislike him though. That just made him annoyed. He disliked Granger because that boy was just too damn suspicious. Who would appear in Hogwarts, in his _seventh_ year, with a half assed explanation? Plus, he woke up every morning pretending to sleep, making no noise. Was he trying to eavesdrop on their conversation or was he just being creepy? Sirius often caught him during the day, looking at the Marauders with a weird expression on his face. And not just looking but watching. Mostly watching James. But Prongs had decided, suddenly, that Granger was "not so bad".

"He's not into Lily." He had said happily. Of course, for James everything began and finished with that fiery red-head.

"Who cares about Lily?!" He had exclaimed desperately, to which James had been thoroughly offended.

"I do."

And no matter how much Sirius had tried to explain he didn't mean anything bad, James had shut him off.

"Look you need to calm down about Granger, Padfoot." He'd said before excusing some Head Boy duties to leave.

"Sirius!" One of the girls by the lake finally called impatiently, "Come play with us," she said with a naughty tinge in her voice. Sirius sighed. Apparently since he'd been caught with Claire, he seemed easier to approach for ladies.

"Not today, love." He replied to the girl and turned to leave. The girls giggled even harder. He gloomily walked back inside.

He just couldn't believe he'd argued with his best friend because of that odd boy.

* * *

It was a boring circle of conversation.

Boring people making small plans… Regulus couldn't believe most of these people were to be Death Eaters in nearly shorter than a year. Rookwood, for example, was simpler than a piece of wood. At least a wood was good to nature, somehow.

His dark mark already burned brightly on his wrist.

Sirius had left that night. They never had a blind hope that he would eventually return. They knew he would somehow make it alone. His mother didn't wait a night to blast Sirius off the family tree. She was betrayed. They were betrayed. They always knew they would be betrayed eventually. So what was the point of feeling betrayed if he always knew the inevitableness of his abandonment? Because Sirius was his brother? Because blood wasn't supposed to work that way? But that wasn't true. Regulus had seen with his own eyes that night that his mother's view on blood was a handicapped view.

But she hadn't seen it.

The morning after Sirius left, her cold eyes had turned to him. Her younger son. Her little baby. Her Regulus would never ever disappoint her.

" _Honor our family."_

And he had wanted to. He had been eager to do so. He had tried his best to impress young Lucius Malfoy, a rising Death Eater, the Dark Lord's newest star. If Lucius Malfoy liked him, his mother assured that he would be such an honorable member of the Dark Lord's followers and such a pride to their family. His father had just nodded. A passive man, blindly in love with his wife and her devotion to _his_ last name. Walburga Black's words were laws in Grimmauld Place.

But that was before. Not that long ago maybe but before. His mind had blurred tremendously since he received his mission from the Dark Lord. How weird it was that confusion and clarity could be the same thing, at times.

Suddenly the change of topic sparked his interest.

"That new odd boy," Rookwood spat, "we need more information on him."

"What for?" Snaped wheezed, "Just a worthless mudblood it seems."

"Are you a fool? He is constantly in Dumbledore's office!"

A few other Slytherins in their circle agreed. Regulus knew how eager they were to receive a mission from the older boy. And later he would put in a good word to the Dark Lord and they too would become a part of the winning side. Regulus spoke quickly.

"I'll watch him."

Rookwood looked at him, arrogantly. Snape looked at him, thoughtful. Snape was intelligent. He often undersold himself around Rookwood but Regulus knew that wasn't because of any lack of confidence. It was just strategy. Regulus was aware that Snape was observant of him. And he was more aware of some changes than Rookwood was.

"Ah, Little Regululs wants a mission." Rookwood seemed at least a little bit pleased that Regulus, who had already been approached by the Dark Lord, was still asking his permissions for missions in Hogwarts. He could see that it gave Rookwood a sense of greatness. That's how simple he really was.

"Yes, I do." He made sure to sound young and eager. "Come on, Rookwood, give me a chance."

It wasn't because he needed to prove himself to daft Rookwood. But Harry Granger was weird. And Regulus needed a way out. If Harry Granger's odd, sudden arrival, his undeniable closeness to Dumbledore, led to something that could provide him a safe exit, then Regulus needed to be the first one aware of this. It was risky, and possibly led to nothing but he had to at least try.

Rookwood smirked. He wanted to taunt him but didn't want to let the others know that the Dark Lord had already contacted Regulus.

"You will report to me every evening."

"Yes."

Snape raised his eyebrow. Rookwoods smirk widened.

"Very well, keep an eye on Granger."

* * *

 **How to live in a place where hope is dimmed, with every passing day? How to live in a place where after a night filled with death, the streets were filled with celebrations? A good outcome does not devalue the lives that were lost. But so many can't see that. How to live in a place where being an "intellectual" is used as an insult? Being educated is seen as being elite? If I walk out the streets tomorrow, will I know that the man standing next to me is not willing to kill me just because I am not religious?**

 **How to live in a place where you have no voice anymore? How to make plans for the future while you fear life? I have defended my rights, and I have defended the rights of those who have a different life style than me, yet I see now that half of the population would be so glad to have me gone, even dead.**

 **How to hope for unity when you just don't understand?**

 **Sorry about this little rant. But time is passing by and world is not getting lighter. I am so sad. So dear reader, I sincerely hope wherever you are in the world, you are having a light, happy day. Because the world is lost if those days are completely gone.**

 **Lots of Love to all,**

 **Necesisstas**


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